Wanndering – on foot and in spirit

I just stopped chewing the food and then sat frozen for a second when my friend Frankie asked me. Not that I didnt understand the question but it was so out of place for an Indian where most relationship are ‘baap baraouse’ , where there is no healthy dating culture; where moving out with a girl often would be treated as ‘love’ and the people around them start hearing the wedding bells ringing; where, an affair (sic) not working out maligns(sic) the character (sic,sic) of the girl and to a lesser degree the girl. I may hear a boo or two from you guys – I just realised the people priveleged to have internet access to read a blog like this are the most ‘elite’ and from broad-minded families. I am taking a 8,000 km above (rather ‘away’) view from Taipei and I urge you to look around you. I am sure you will see a lot of it around you.

Coming back to Frankie’s questions, seeing my reaction she asked me ‘Did I say something wrong?’ . I said ‘No, No! but never ask this question to an Indian again’. My reasoning is, lack of dating culture, would leave you very less space to hit-and-miss, even worse you may never get a chance to hit (pun intended). There are zillions of FOSLA clubs strewn around, there must have been enough misses in your life to understand what I am saying. When you like someone, before the heart can skip the beat, the brain start ticking,’Will she fit’, ‘will it work out’, ‘what if’. Its just the second date for chrrisake. So, assume you are the lucky one to have found the ‘one’, if it doesnt work out for whatever reason chances are you wouldnt try again. (I hear no more boos!) Its true, mostly true, then you decide to go the ‘baap baraose’ way. There is not ‘Try, Try and Try till you succeed’, its only ‘Try (if you have liberal parents) and then go to Dad if you fail’. Indian guys, dont tread beyond the ‘failure’ , they have to be led!

So, It would have been more appropriate for Frankie if she had just ended with my ‘No’ for her question ‘Do you have a girl friend?’

Last week, I was on my way to Bangkok and met this gorgeous Korean girl who after couple of minutes into our conversation brought out the question that was nagging her about Indians committment to relationship. Although she put a third person angle to it, I figured out she had a boy-friend from Bangalore who never proposed her for years. Donning the counsellor role, which I am good at, as the boeing sped over the South-China sea, I explained to her, unlike the westerners,Indian guys are afraid of ‘making a committment’ and not about ‘keeping a committment’. He is not worried so much (in comparison to the firang) that his life is gonna change and his freedom curtailed, but as his thoughts inch towards making a committment to someone from different culture/religion, villians start appearing in his head – those benign uncles who cracked dirty jokes, his loving grandparents, his always-supportive parents suddenly pop up with maces in their hands and two horns on their heads.

While Sriram (her BF) may have been been a womanising ***h*** for all you know, I personally have known lot of non-Srirams who have been a genuine victims of our ‘rich culture’.

After the dinner, Jasmine drifted into sleep giving in to the tiresome journey from Seoul – Taiwan – Bangkok, she took my sleep away. What I had always accepted as ‘aisa hi hain’, seemed a lot ludicrous now! I think I (proxy for my generation) am in just at the wrong time facing the some dilemma as the proverbial ABCDs – while the external world says something, the inner baggage of culture advises me otherwise.

I think our next generation would do just well, when Indian culture like the economy would open up and evovle. Only we are caught in the changing times, our parents were lucky with ‘The Hindu’ and Doordarshan feeding the the ‘world’s perspective’ they had fewer questions, our generations would also be okay born to the parents who have fed enough from Star, MTV culture. But, my generation with parent from Doordarshan and we from MTV – think like MTV but act like Doordarshan.

While I struggle with my rudimentary Chinese during the dinner, I got the suggestion the thousandth,’The best way to learn Chinese is to get a Taiwanese girl-friend’. I just smiled. When I come back to India after 2 months, if my Chinese is still bad, you’ll know why!

Sequel>> Baap Bharose