Wanndering – on foot and in spirit

My mom made an ISD call to find what caste was Anjan. I had no clue. The funny thing was Anjan was my childhood pal, about whom I knew everything – likes, dislikes, first crush, favourite food, passions et al. ‘Caste’ did not ever feature in ‘everything’. Anjan was one of the MEB’s (Most Eligible Bachelor), serving Naval officer with all things one can admire about.

My mom had apparently seen a girl and wanted to know what ‘caste’ Anjan belonged so as do the match making. Did it matter to Anjan what caste she was, hell know but parents were hell bent on matching it.

Caste emerged as a social structure in the Indian society and has outlived its utility in most of the places. Anjan is a Brahmin (priest class) serving in the Navy and hence performing duties of a Kshatriya (warrior class). His father has his own business and adheres to the role of Vaishnavas (business class). But suddenly when it comes to marriage, parents remember what class they originally belong to.

Casteism is anchronistic phenomenon in the Indian urban society but a favourite past time of people for ocaassions like marriage. Suddenly, it becomes ‘us and them’

It would be really interesting to see how the new country with 700Mn below 25years who have entered the new millenium with internet connections, mobile phones and mobile jobs will eventually alter these old institutions.

<Inspired by a real question but fictionalised. Any characters resembling any person dead or alive is purely intentional. Names changed. Opinions are largely in Indian middle-class perspective>

‘Are you a virgin’? , It struck Anshu right on the face when she asked it. Like, near death experience his life flashed before his eyes, the girls he had tried to woo, the girls who tried to woo him, those evenings at the disco, those drunken days…. those days of forced celibacy. Being a virgin was a matter of pride for him, a indicator of his self control, the pillar of his personality, the foundation of his thought that relationship should not be based on just physical interaction.

‘Are you a virgin?’ sounded really cool, when Mahima Choudhary asked in Pardes . We all gossiped about it and really felt that Indian Cinema had come of age. Almost a decade later when Sarla asked him this question, he went through the near-death experience.

Arranged marriage had already become a nightmare for Anshu like many a men in India because one has to conform to a system he didnt believe in but had no choice than bow to the societal pressures falling on conservative boy who grew up in the hinterland. He was forced to go through the charade of meeting girls and asking about their ‘long-term goals’ (sic). He liked bold girls, one with substance, but this one was especially bold and she started off our discussion with this question.

He recovered a minute later and replied ‘ What would you prefer?’ She rhetorically replied, ‘ I want my future husband to be a virgin’. He drew a long breath and said ‘Sarla, before I answer your question, let me give you a perspective’

‘Dont judge a person in binary – virgin or not. There are 3 kinds of virgins and 3 kinds of non-virgins. The first kind of virgin is because of the society. He is afraid of what would happen if he crosses the line drawn by the society. The second type is because of lack of opportunity. He is all set to ‘do it’ but there are no takers. The third type is the one who believes, love should precede physical relationship and hasnt taken any relationship beyond love. Type I is a coward, Type II is a horny loser, Type III is of the noble type’

‘Non-virgins are again of 3 types. The first kind because he got into a relationship which blossomed into love and furthered into love making. The second kind is the one who is found lurking around the one-night-stand and has sleazy escapades. The third has paid money to lose his V. ‘

Type I is the true lover. Type II is a horny hog. Type III is a dirty dog.

I consider a true lover who has severed his old ties more desirable than any type of virin and a coward only better than a dirty dog. ‘

‘A Type I or II virgin wouldnt be able to be as loyal as the Type I non-virgin. I prefer to be a true lover than any other kind of virgin’

She was fretting impatiently while he was giving her unsolicited advise. Then she must have been thinking ‘Just tell me yes or no’

The discussion for me was over there. Anshu nonchalantly started walking away muttering ‘ The world is not black and white’. While she was just about to stamp ‘no-virgin’, Anshu turned back and said ‘By the way, I am virgin’

Anshu told me this story over a couple of drinks. I asked him why he walked away with just one question. He replied ‘She was not of my type’. Sometimes just one question screams out many a answer.

I was reflecting on how our generation is like a half boiled egg – the outer layer is firm but inner layer is so fluidy and confused. I relate to Anshu quite well because we are of such similar backgrounds. Having brought up in the hinterland of the Hindi belt, being a (pre-marital) celibate, tee-totaler, non-smoker is a sign of noble man. The values were fine when the world was so black and white but not anymore. People who have violate the Hindu tenet of ‘not crossing the seven seas’ going around the world, have seen the firm foundation of ‘values’ wobbling on its knees.

Anyways, Anshu is yet to find his life companion. With his permission, I decided to blog his theory because I thought it would bring things in perspective.

Funny while I am thriving on the capitalist world, my thoughts have suddenly turned left. I am one of the examples of ‘shining India’. While I walk through the representatives of ‘wealth’, ‘progress’ in the countries I have lived for the past couple of years and then compare it to home, I wonder – ‘Is this progress really worth it?’

The GDP in India has grown by 9% while the people below the poverty line has remained steady. More Maybachs and Rolls Royce rolling on the street while same number of farmers committ suicide every year.

Capitalism is a dangerous thing when social security does not exist in a country. If progress of a country is reveled by noting the increase in the number of sales of coke bottles or detergents, we are missing something fundamental. While I was in the B-School, I was glad to know that we were the 4th largest economy and rested on the fact that we will be the second by year 2050 (or whichever). Would being the top GDP company make us any better country? Seeing the direction we are going, the answer is no.

We rank in the bottom 10 percentile in HDI, Woman Rights and all the related indices. A country cannot advance if the wealth is not evenly distributed. Dont mistake that I am propagating the message of communism. We need a more socially conscious market. The public-private partnership should give a (now famously proven) ‘headstart’ for the poorer masses in terms of better health, education and exposure.

We should stop forgetting that India, as Gandhiji said, ‘ is the land of villages’. Notwithstanding the fact that my family income must have increased by 15-20 times post-liberation, I wonder if we really made any progress over these years. The same number of people die out of starvation, 1/3rd of our people are still illiterate.

It helps to look a little left while riding the mammoth of capitalist economy!